Bringing Home The Bacon

According to Jimmy and Karen Evans marriage and family experts and founders of Marriage Today,(1) "Security is the number one need of a woman." They go on to say, "There is nothing that makes a woman feel more secure than a selfless sacrificial male."

Solomon shows his sacrificial security for his bride in Song of Solomon 2:3-6.  In these verses we see him provide security with sustenance, shade and support.

Solomon's bride says she, sat down in his shade, that he sustained her with cakes of raisins and supported her with his left hand under her head (2). 

For men, providing sustenance--"bringing home the bacon" is something we naturally want to do for our wives but it is only a small part of making them feel secure in a marriage.


A good husband will also provide shade and refuge for his wife from the harsh elements of the world.  Life isn't always a walk in the park on a perfect spring day.  So, when life gets hot or stormy can your wife find shade and refuge in you?  Or does she feel like she has to go to her friends, mom or therapist for a place to retreat from the pressures of life?  Don't get me wrong sometimes a man needs help providing refuge and shade for his wife and a good mother-in-law or therapist can be a BIG help but  does your wife seek out the support of those people before she seeks out refuge from you?

In my experience, I seem to offer the best shade through listening to my wife, helping her with the kids, and giving her a physical time and place to retreat--we call these "mom vacations!"

Men, if you want to the women in your life to feel secure with you don't tell them, "It will be okay" SHOW them that you are willing to take a step into their world and literally or physically put your arms around them support them, comfort them, uphold them while you help them with what they feel they need to get done.

It is okay to ask your wife, "What can I do to help?" but if your wife is anything like my AMAZING and strong wife she is capable of doing it all on her own.  This is not a sarcastic remark--she is capable.  In fact my wife was a single mother and did have to do it all on her own for awhile, but why should she have to do it on her own?  You and your wife are a team so get off your lazy butt and find some way to help support her besides being the primary bread winner. 

Out of all the things my wife tells me, I think the one that makes me know she feels loved and secure the most is when I say, "I love you." and she responds with, "I know you do baby love, you show me everyday!" 

Questions for the Men:
1.  Which one of the three areas of security (sustenance, shade, support) could you improve on the most? 
2.  What can you do this week to take a step in improving that area of security for you wife?

Questions for the Women:
1.  Do you feel secure in your marriage?
2.  Tell your husband one specific thing that makes you feel secure and one thing he could do better to make you feel more secure.

(1). To find out more about Marriage Today visit Marriagetoday.com

(2). Song of Solomon 2:3,5,6 NKJV

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