People Watching
One
of my favorite things to do with Alana is "people watching."
One of the great things about people watching is that you can do it
almost anywhere. We will sit in the restaurant or the park and and we will pick a couple or a family and ask, "What's their
story?' As we continue to watch them interact with others we will
formulate "their story" in our own minds. By the time we leave
the restaurant or the park we know all about these people without
ever talking to them, at least we think we know them from what we see on the
outside.
As I " people watch" Solomon and his finance
interact I see two things in their relationship that convince me they
are truly in love. They desperately want to spend
time together and they speak lovingly to one another. Our eyes only allow
us to look on the outside so we will never know for sure, but I
believe there are two outward observations that are good indicators of the heart.
Observation #1.
Spending Time Together.
In Song of Solomon 2: 10 & 13 Solomon urges his fiance
to "come away" and spend time with him. He wants to spend
as much time with her as possible. There should be a
certain excitement that comes from being with the one we love.
Yes the "butterflies" in the stomach and the
"goosebumps" on the arms may be more evident and often at first but
even after years of marriage you should still love to spend time with
your spouse. There should be no other place that makes you feel "at
home" like being with the one you love.
Before
marriage, spending time alone with your significant other is normally your highest priority. But
after marriage, so many couples, find themselves in the same room together and
not actually spending time together. I know it's easy after a long
day to "veg out" in front of the T.V. or get lost in a good book and
I know its hard to engage and interact with your spouse in meaningful ways
when you are exhausted but it is crucial to the success of your marriage
in the long run. Living in the same house but not spending quality time together means you are no more
than room mates living together out of convenience not a married couple
living together out of love.
Observation #2 Speaking Lovingly to One Another.
Solomon speaks so lovingly to his finance in vs 10 &
13, he calls her his "love" and his "fair one."
In my observations of couples over the years those who are truly in love have their own unique expressions of love towards one another. Alana and I have a few that have endured through the years of our married life. When one of us says, "I love you." instead of responding with the standard, "I love you too." Most of the time, the other person will respond with either, "I love you 17." or " I love you sooooooooxxxxx much." These expressions of love may sound corny to those outside the relationship but they are subtle ways for us as a couple to continually remember certain memories that make our marriage special.
One of the most difficult times for men to express their love
verbally is on the phone but this is probably one of the most important
times to make your feelings for you spouse clear and verbal. Tell your
wife you love her before you hang up the phone. Don't just say
"uh-huh" or "you too" actually say the words, "I
love you." Your wife doesn't know where you are or who you are with
and she wants to know no matter what you are not ashamed of the love you have
for her.
I have never had Alana tell me at the end of the day that I told
her I loved her too many times. When we first got married, however, she
did tell me that I didn't say I loved her enough. As men, who use far
less words per day than women, we must make an extra effort to use some of
those words to tell our wives, in meaningful ways, that we love them.
Questions to answer:
Q1. Do you long to spend time with your spouse as much as
you did when you were dating? If not why not?
Q2. How do you spend your time with your spouse?
Would you say it is meaningful or quality time?
Q3. How often do you tell your spouse you love them?
Q4. When was the last time you lost a disagreement on
purpose because your spouse was more important than winning the argument?
Thank you to Lacey McGinty and Changing Faces Photography for the picture in this blog. http://www.changingfacesphotography.com
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