Love Language Part Two--Love Language Barriers

In Last weeks blog I wrote about Dr. Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages" and the importance of showing love to those in our lives through THEIR love language.  No matter how much we love someone, sometimes we will encounter what I like to call, "Love Language Barriers."


The Most Common Love Language Barrier is not knowing the primary love language of your spouse, (or anyone else you are trying to show love towards).  Finding out their primary love language is crucial to our loved ones feeling loved. 

 My primary love language is Quality Time.  I love to go to dinner with my wife, sit and watch a movie together, or just lay in bed and talk and laugh together.  When we first got married, I knew Alana loved me more than anything in the world but she tried to show me love by making sure the dishes and laundry were done and the house was clean.  

 She would wear herself out trying to show that she loved me by doing chores and would get upset when I didn't notice how hard she had worked.  I didn't care if she did all those things, those were things I was more than happy to help with, I just wanted her to sit down and spend time with me.  This is not something that comes natural to Alana, she would rather be doing anything other than watching TV or going out to eat but she does these things to show me love through my love language.


We may love those in our lives very deeply and try to express it to them in a certain way because that is how we receive love, or because this is how our parents showed us love or showed each other love without ever discovering what actually makes the other person feel loved.  Neither Alana or I receive love through acts of service.  Does that mean we never do laundry or dishes?  No, we still get all the chores done because we are organized people, but we do them for ourselves NOT to show love to the other person.

Hopefully you took the time to discover or re-discover the love language of your loved ones last week.  If not, I highly encourage you to go back and read last weeks blog and take the Love Language Profile.

If you do know the primary love language of those in your life, you have overcome the most difficult Love Language Barrier.  There is one other Love Language Barrier I have found to be difficult to overcome.  You may not be very good at showing love the way your loved ones receive it--it may not come naturally to you.
Dr. Chapman says in the book, "What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse.  He sends you flowers when what you really want is time to talk.  She gives you a hug when what you really need is a home-cooked meal.  The problem isn't your love--it's your love language."

 It is natural to show love to others the way you want to receive love, but if your loved one speaks a a different love language than you, it will never be received as love.

 When I was growing up, I know my mom loved me very much and she often tried to show me how much she loved me by writing notes and putting them in my lunch box.  Her primary love language is words of affirmation so that is what came natural to her.  My mom was showing love to me in the way she receives love. I never felt loved by those notes, however, because words of affirmation rank lowest on the Love Language scale for me.

Remember not to get discouraged if you are running into any Love Language Barriers.  Any Love Language Barrier is very possible to overcome with a little communication between you and your loved ones.

The 5 Love Languages app and website have a 5-Week challenge to help you overcome Love Language Barriers and help you to show love tailored to your loved one's language and each week you will be reminded to complete your challenge.  

 Go to http://www.lovelanguagechallenge.com or download the app to take the challenge.

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