Love Languages Part One

"ich liebe dich", "te amo," S 'agapó̱

 If I were to say, "I love you" to my wife in another language it would literally be "Greek to her."  She wouldn't understand a word I was saying.  Likewise, when we "speak" love to our partner in a love language that doesn't make them feel loved, it doesn't do any good.
Our family used to joke that Joel's love language was food because I used to sneak him food so he would love me the most.  Gary Chapman coined the phrase, "Love Languages" with the publication of his book, "The Five Love Languages", several years ago.   I have learned more useful advice from this one book about show love to my wife, my kids, my friends, and family than any other single book I have ever read on love, relationships marriage or parenting.  
I will not reproduce the manuscript of the book in this blog (#1 that would be plagiarism & #2 I don't have that much time) but if you have not read the book let me give you a VERY quick overview so you can understand the next two blogs:
Chapman, found that there are five main love languages (food is not one of them but probably came in a close sixth): words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. 


  • Quality Time: You feel most loved when your spouse is spending time with you talking, taking walks, watching a movie, or spending the evening enjoying dinner together.
  • Acts of Service:   You feel most loved when your spouse cleans the house, cuts the grass, does the dishes or folds the laundry.
  • Words of Affirmation:  You feel most loved when your spouse tells you they are proud of you or that you are beautiful?  Or leaves you little written words of affirmation in a card or note.
  • Gifts: You feel most loved when your spouse brings you flowers or your favorite snack.  Gifts can be small or big, for those who speak the love language of gifts, the gifts themselves are not measured in value, but rather in frequency.
  • Touch: You feel most loved when your spouse touches you – including and more importantly non-sexual touching.  Holding hands, back rubs, or touching feet as you relax. 
Solomon obviously didn't read, "The Five Love Languages," by Chapman but he did understand the concept and in Song of Solomon 1:7-13 he demonstrates each of the five love languages to his love.
  • Chapter 1:7, "Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions?"  Solomon's bride is looking for him so she can be near him and spend QUALITY TIME with him.
  • Chapter 1:8, "...Follow in the tracks of the flock and pasture your young goats beside the shepherds tents."  Solomon is showing his bride love by working and taking care of his flocks as an ACT OF SERVICE for her.
  • Chapter 1:9-10, "I compare you my love to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots.  Your cheeks are lovely."  Solomon uses WORDS OF AFFIRMATION to compliment his brides beauty.
  • Chapter 1:11, "We will make for you ornaments of gold studded with silver."  Solomon had jewelry made as a GIFT for his bride.
  • Chapter 1:13, "My beloved is to me as a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts."  Solomon's bride loves it when he is close enough to lay on her chest and PHYSICALLY TOUCH her body to his like a necklace touches your chest when you wear it.
No matter how hard we try to speak the right "love language" to those most important to us, sometimes we encounter what I call "Love Language Barriers."  We will discus some of the more common ones in next weeks blog.  Until then, I encourage you to find a copy of the book on Amazon, download the app on your iPhone/Android or go to www.5lovelanguages.com  and discover the love language profile of those closest to you by answering a few short questions so you can start showing them love in their love language.  

 Even if you know your spouse's love language downloaded the app or go to the website this week like Alana and I did, take the profile quiz to confirm your love languages and do something that says, "I love you" in their love language.

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